So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
