Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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