so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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