toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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