people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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