We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish you could order shots online.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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