Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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