Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
