Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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