after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
