I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
