she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
