based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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