Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
