6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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