it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Success! We fucked roommates!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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