i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
