he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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