but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
