so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
