Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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