U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
