this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
