What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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