that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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