We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
