we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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