I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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