did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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