apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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