they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
