So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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