Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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