Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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