so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
