The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
