then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
