I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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