I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
