It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
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He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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