It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm like, not good at living.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
