I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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