Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
