it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
