he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he puts the penis in happiness.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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