um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
