why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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