Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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