My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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