ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
