If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize