i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
