R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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