Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
