Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
