what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do vagina's smell?
we're making bets on your personal life
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
