I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
