I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
