Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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