I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
