I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.