a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
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