Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”