Texts From Last Night

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  (626): View more from California

  Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.

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  (626): Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess. http://tfl.nu/higf
  Replies (57) Good night (841) Bad night (3405)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  how many servings is brandon's dick?

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  (203): nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body (508): how many servings is brandon's dick? http://tfl.nu/n1yr
  Replies (57) Good night (5363) Bad night (846)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.

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  (336): I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty. http://tfl.nu/8sow
  Replies (8) Good night (5084) Bad night (697)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it

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  (215): i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it http://tfl.nu/rarj
  Replies (14) Good night (7226) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We need to talk about our relationship.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

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  (575): We need to talk about our relationship. (403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/0ub4
  Replies (20) Good night (9219) Bad night (1639)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.

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  (407): Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night. http://tfl.nu/ytoh
  Replies (8) Good night (4079) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.

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  (509): My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina. http://tfl.nu/xxcl
  Replies (9) Good night (3188) Bad night (1302)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story

  (702): View more from Nevada

  they all just nodded

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  (702): My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story (702): they all just nodded http://tfl.nu/l03v
  Replies (6) Good night (2643) Bad night (1198)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.

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  (760): explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet. http://tfl.nu/b9gi
  Replies (9) Good night (2194) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!

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  (+44): he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?! http://tfl.nu/a2n2
  Replies (19) Good night (4793) Bad night (861)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.

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  (832): you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/gkpj
  Replies (7) Good night (1038) Bad night (2802)
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  (714): View more from California

  Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.

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  (714): Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume. http://tfl.nu/yo6q
  Replies (16) Good night (764) Bad night (2997)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor

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  (610): Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor http://tfl.nu/pp4j
  Replies (1) Good night (1015) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.

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  (403): I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here. http://tfl.nu/pi4e
  Replies (0) Good night (809) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY

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  (804): WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY http://tfl.nu/wx68
  Replies (1) Good night (279) Bad night (292)

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