Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
