Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.

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(617): That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head. http://tfl.nu/g2zg

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?

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(860): Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out? http://tfl.nu/i8pt

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(541): View more from Oregon

at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.

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(541): at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard. http://tfl.nu/6ebl

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(419): View more from Ohio

The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.

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(419): The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday. http://tfl.nu/0i2s

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop

(551): View more from New Jersey

I really wish I could say this is a new low for you

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(201): Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop (551): I really wish I could say this is a new low for you http://tfl.nu/0p1x

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.

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(414): Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done. http://tfl.nu/pg78

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?

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(617): We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in? http://tfl.nu/ejnj

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(765): View more from Indiana

She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed

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(765): She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed http://tfl.nu/bbsg

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(219): View more from Indiana

He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.

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(219): He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot. http://tfl.nu/xkom

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(716): View more from New York

You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.

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(716): You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy. http://tfl.nu/mzkt

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(518): View more from New York

it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.

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(518): it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime. http://tfl.nu/6fla

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(720): View more from Colorado

Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.

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(720): Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there. http://tfl.nu/6pek

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(563): View more from Iowa

I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?

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(563): I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you? http://tfl.nu/ipj5

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?

(1-304): View more from West Virginia

Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.

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(304): I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay? (1-304): Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime. http://tfl.nu/2vyh

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.

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(778): I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack. http://tfl.nu/1g01

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