I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.