He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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