So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
