apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
