This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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