You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
