Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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