They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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