So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm too high and old for this...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
