if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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