So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
