I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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