I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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