Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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