god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
