you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
