If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
