Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I could fuck to npr.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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